To The One Who Introduced Me To Ghosting
You blew into my life as quickly as you left it. Both times. One minute we were fourteen-year-old girls giggling at the prospect of possibly going to a Jonas Brothers concert. The next, you were avoiding me like the plague. Which resulted in me thinking it was my fault. I spent days, even weeks wondering what I could’ve done to deserve such behavior. Thinking that if you had just told me what I had done wrong, I could apologize, or I could fix myself. As if there was something inherently wrong with me. You didn’t answer my calls because you recognized my number. So, I called you from my mother’s phone and you finally answered. I couldn’t even complete an entire sentence before you hung up on me.
Then three years later, you came back into my life claiming we were just immature little creatures and that we could move on. So foolish little me, let you back in and let myself get reinvested. Only to be ghosted again when we were twenty. Except this time, I didn’t let myself dwell on you, and what I might’ve done wrong, for long. I was trying to help you get out of a toxic relationship with a man who was two-timing you. But clearly, that made me a bad friend in your eyes. There was nothing I could do about it because you didn’t even give me a chance to explain, even though you gave that rat multiple chances because you were “so in love” with him. So, I deleted your number from my phone, so that I wouldn’t reach out to you again and moved on without you. Because who needs a professional ghoster for a friend. You are so good at it, you were doing it before the term “ghosting” even existed.
If you’re wondering why I deleted your number from my phone, it’s because I was protecting myself. You see it may take time for me to let people in, but that’s only because once you’re in, you get everything. Because I am what is known as a “giver”. Behind my tower-high walls is the treasure of a heart that will continue to give, care, and love even when you hurt it until I forcefully raise the walls again. Which takes some effort because my natural state of being, is loving. And I say “treasure” because I have come to learn that it’s not always me that is the problem, and that I don’t deserve to have people who treat me as such in my life. In some way, I guess I owe you. You were the one who made me realize I deserve better. And you paved the road out of my life for all the other toxic inhabitants.
The One Who Has Found Self-Worth
An open letter by Ayesha Noor
About the Author
Ayesha Noor is a Dubai-based writer, spoken word artist, and a mental health advocate. But she has been constantly striving to not fit into fixed silos, and wants to be someone who’s more than the various labels people attach to her. She’s vocal and making a point through poetry on instagram.com/avn_poetry.